I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize