He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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