I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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