next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize