It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
