You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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