JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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