I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
