I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
