she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
3pm strippers are depressing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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