Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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