Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
