i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
