i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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