Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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