Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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