I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
