New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
