you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
