we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
