The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
