it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
