I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
