I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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