Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
