hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
