What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
