Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
