Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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