Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
