Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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