Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
please come you make the beer taste better
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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