lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Too much gin, very little bucket
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
