I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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