oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
