Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
