i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
