Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's official drugs can't kill me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
