I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
