What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
