So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
