I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
