It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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