hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
