if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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