so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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