I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
