Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
