Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
