I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
