I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
