So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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