haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
