i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
