She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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