At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
