toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
