Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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