i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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