Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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