P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When are your genitals available?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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