thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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