i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
