i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
