he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
