I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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