i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
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my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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