There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
