I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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