went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize