My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
