if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
