sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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