it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
