my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
