why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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