it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
