Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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