Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
