Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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