I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
