I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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