I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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