I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
